In Strictly Fictional this month, milk comes out my nose in tribute to Ed Park’s hilarious “Personal Days.” In other nose news, author Cynthia Ozick’s is a little too altitudinal for my tastes. My boy Samuel Clemens would have called her out.
By the way, here’s some trivia that should impress all your drunken sailor friends: The origins of Samuel Clemens’ sobriquet, Mark Twain, is contested. One theory is that it came from jargon used by sailors on the Mississippi, who would measure the depth of water in fathoms. “Mark twain” meant the water was two fathoms or 12 feet deep. Alternately, Mark Twain could stand for Twain’s obsessive drinking and his calling for two beers by saying “Mark twain” or “Mark two.”